Dis-integrating

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.


I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.




And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bear my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.


I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

What is wrong with me?
I think I'm crazy
or depressed..
Like seriously
I'll cry over stupid stuff
I'm too emotional
I always expect the worse
I just cannot stop thinking about the 'what if..'

I barely able to live in the present

I think I need medication
or to see a shrink
or do something about it

I think I'm scared of being lonely
I dread the thought of it

Being alone was never a problem until this year
Really a bad year

ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Hate myself
Hate my life
Hate my problems
the seemingly insignificant yet disturbing problems

I think I'm depressed, no?

What Is Minor Depression?

Minor depression has some but not all of the traits of major depression. Diagnosis requires at least two but less than five out of nine depression symptoms. One of those symptoms must be sadness or lack of interest in activities, write the researchers.

Major depression symptoms include:

• Feeling sad, depressed, or tearful (or, for kids and teens, irritable)
• Marked drop in interest or pleasure in activities
• Significant changes in weight or appetite
• Sleeping too much or too little nearly every day
• Feeling restless or sluggish
• Feeling worthless or excessively guilty
• Having trouble concentrating
• Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
• Suicidal thinking, suicide attempts, or thinking a lot about death (not just fear of dying)

This year is a bad year

This year.. is a bad year.

I've encountered so many problems that it seems like it never ends..

School problem came up. Solved it. Got over it.
Relationship problem came up. Solved it. Got over it.
School issue again
and then stuff
and stuff
and stuff
stufff....

Once one thing is solved, another lurks in the corner.

Worrying is Unhealthy

I had just received a text from my good friend, telling me how happy she is now, how perfect life seems. But she ended her text by saying that she's worried that everything's so rosy only at the beginning..

Which I can totally relate too. Everytime something is too perfect, too good, I'll think : "This is it! I"m at the top of the hill, can't get any farther. The only way to go is to go down.."

Pessimist : Yes!
Worrisome : Yes!
Irrational: Maybe
INSANE : Could be

I was told that this is a good trait to be an entrepreneur; you'll always be scared about what the competitors are planning up; you don't get enough sleep or peace of mind.. BUT HEY.. at least you're rich.... RIGHT?

I haven't been able to sleep lately. Problems, issues, obstacles.. Seemingly minor ones but imminent for my future. I TRIED so hard to ignore these future problems. I'll try to think about other stuff .. HELL I tried to BE in the PRESENT.. Has it worked? clearly not

Worries are like darkness.. You always want to turn on the light/ have lights around you when you're doing something.. Working, Studying, stuff... But at the end of the day, you can't sleep with the lights on. You will, at the end, need to face the darkness : your worries.
I guess my problem is that even during the daytime, I've already started thinking about the darkness and how it'll affect me..

Foolish but can't stop doing it

I'm yours

well you done done me and you bet i felt it
i tried to get you but you're so hot that i melted
i fell right through the cracks
and i'm trying to get back
before the cool done run out
i'll be giving it my bestest
nothin's going to stop me but devine intervention
i reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait, i'm yours

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love
listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
ah la peaceful melody
its your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love love

so i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i'm sure
theres no need to complicate
our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours

i been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
and bendin over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass
so i drew a new face and laughed
i guess what i'm sayin is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
its what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i'm sure
theres no need to complicate
our time is short
it cannot wait, i'm yours

Stepping my foot on the ground

After much turmoil and confusion happening in my life, I have finally reached a calmer ground. I have set up my plan (sort of), and planning to move forward from that one step.

Unexpected life