Truncating the source

In dealing with cancer, to prevent the disease to spread to the whole body, we need to truncate the original body part where the malignant cancer lies.

Yoga-ing

Did a class at yoga work at Montana last night with a lady called Roberta.

REALLY FANTASTIC CLASS!

For the first time, I feel like I've stretched every bit of muscles that I have in my body.. Exhausting but still no sweat.. ( SO I have accepted that I won't ever sweat in Y oga.. it's okay )

What I find amazing after the class is the fact that I have a serene disposition towards people. Unusual.. Not on a weekday night after a full day of working and an hour and half of working out.

I just feel calm and relaxed and react the same way I feel

Funny.. I should update u guys if this is true or just my imagination

REJECTED

I'm starting to get used to being rejected now..

No letter yet

....................


WHYYYYYYYYY

September is In Town

Yai.. September is here.. I'm applying again for MBA ( after brutally rejected by 4 schools this year ) It's a wonder why I'm still applying.. But then again.. I am a stubborn person

So what else is new?
Paris is on a diet.. YESSS HE IS.. he is soo fat now... and believe me it's not the fur..He currently has no fur whatsoever.. So he has a fat belly.. imagine a mid-aged man with fat belly around the tummy.. yup that's how paris would look like if he's a human

So last time I let him eat ad-lib.. food is there 24/7.. didn't even measure how much I put in there.. I just make sure that he has food all the time.. Supposedly according to the book, this will make them eat less because they know it's always there. But of course not for Paris.. Or maybe it's the treatss... KACANG.. i'm blaming you .. Paris stayed with Natasha for about two weeks.. and he just felll in luuuuvvv with Natasha.. Whenever Natasha comes, I'm ignored :'(

If I call him to come.. he'll go to Natasha instead.. But of course, remembering how Natasha only give BOTTLED WATER to her dog !! and have treats all over her apartment for her dog ( and paris too while he was there.. ) oh mi god... It's like having green tea ice cream mochi every steps you take in her apartement ( figuratively comparing treats to green tea ice cream mochi )

SIGH... I've been betrayed.. by TREATS.. I feel cheated

SOooo yes that's the update for Paris..
What else is new for me?

AHH.. I started doing yoga.. at www.yogaworks.com
It's really cool!
They have 3 branches around my area! Main st, montana ave, Westwood blvd.
Imagine those three are right at the vicinity of my work place and my apartment.

I've been going to classes for like.. 5 or 6 times by now.. The funny thing is I don't really sweat.. Yes I feel tired when I do the yoga position. Some of them are pretty challenging ( imagine the metal fold-able chair, and my head on the floor while my legs hanging up and my backs on the chair.. OKAY u guys can't imagine it but as U've read. it's hard stuff )

But nope.. no sweat.. I wonder if I'm doing something wrong???
It's a lot of toning the muscle though.. if u do the position right.. if not u're just standing there making funny positions.. but if you do get to do the position correctly, you're really using all ur muscles. . Tightening it and toning it...

To think about it, I don't sweat if I only lift weights at gymn too..SO maybe this all makes sense.. I don't know..

If any of you guys have done yoga before.. please do share

ANother update... The Riordan Fellowship Program..
It's kinda like a Pre-MBA program to prepare students or people with less than 5 years working experience to applying to MBA program
Today I'm supposed to get news through mails about whether or not I'll be accepted to the program..
I must say I think I won't be coz I screwed up the interview.. but part of me is still hoping that something may happen..

I'm gonna drive home now actually, check my mail box and see if it's there.. This is lunch break btw..

So wish me luck

Dis-integrating

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.


I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.




And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bear my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.


I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

What is wrong with me?
I think I'm crazy
or depressed..
Like seriously
I'll cry over stupid stuff
I'm too emotional
I always expect the worse
I just cannot stop thinking about the 'what if..'

I barely able to live in the present

I think I need medication
or to see a shrink
or do something about it

I think I'm scared of being lonely
I dread the thought of it

Being alone was never a problem until this year
Really a bad year

ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Hate myself
Hate my life
Hate my problems
the seemingly insignificant yet disturbing problems

I think I'm depressed, no?

What Is Minor Depression?

Minor depression has some but not all of the traits of major depression. Diagnosis requires at least two but less than five out of nine depression symptoms. One of those symptoms must be sadness or lack of interest in activities, write the researchers.

Major depression symptoms include:

• Feeling sad, depressed, or tearful (or, for kids and teens, irritable)
• Marked drop in interest or pleasure in activities
• Significant changes in weight or appetite
• Sleeping too much or too little nearly every day
• Feeling restless or sluggish
• Feeling worthless or excessively guilty
• Having trouble concentrating
• Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
• Suicidal thinking, suicide attempts, or thinking a lot about death (not just fear of dying)

This year is a bad year

This year.. is a bad year.

I've encountered so many problems that it seems like it never ends..

School problem came up. Solved it. Got over it.
Relationship problem came up. Solved it. Got over it.
School issue again
and then stuff
and stuff
and stuff
stufff....

Once one thing is solved, another lurks in the corner.

Worrying is Unhealthy

I had just received a text from my good friend, telling me how happy she is now, how perfect life seems. But she ended her text by saying that she's worried that everything's so rosy only at the beginning..

Which I can totally relate too. Everytime something is too perfect, too good, I'll think : "This is it! I"m at the top of the hill, can't get any farther. The only way to go is to go down.."

Pessimist : Yes!
Worrisome : Yes!
Irrational: Maybe
INSANE : Could be

I was told that this is a good trait to be an entrepreneur; you'll always be scared about what the competitors are planning up; you don't get enough sleep or peace of mind.. BUT HEY.. at least you're rich.... RIGHT?

I haven't been able to sleep lately. Problems, issues, obstacles.. Seemingly minor ones but imminent for my future. I TRIED so hard to ignore these future problems. I'll try to think about other stuff .. HELL I tried to BE in the PRESENT.. Has it worked? clearly not

Worries are like darkness.. You always want to turn on the light/ have lights around you when you're doing something.. Working, Studying, stuff... But at the end of the day, you can't sleep with the lights on. You will, at the end, need to face the darkness : your worries.
I guess my problem is that even during the daytime, I've already started thinking about the darkness and how it'll affect me..

Foolish but can't stop doing it

I'm yours

well you done done me and you bet i felt it
i tried to get you but you're so hot that i melted
i fell right through the cracks
and i'm trying to get back
before the cool done run out
i'll be giving it my bestest
nothin's going to stop me but devine intervention
i reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait, i'm yours

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love
listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
ah la peaceful melody
its your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love love

so i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i'm sure
theres no need to complicate
our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours

i been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
and bendin over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass
so i drew a new face and laughed
i guess what i'm sayin is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
its what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i'm sure
theres no need to complicate
our time is short
it cannot wait, i'm yours

Stepping my foot on the ground

After much turmoil and confusion happening in my life, I have finally reached a calmer ground. I have set up my plan (sort of), and planning to move forward from that one step.

Unexpected life

Funny Thing about Life

Found a funny thing about life today.

The more someone give to you without even expecting any return on his/her deed, the more you want to give back to that person unconditionally as well.

maybe i'm wrong

maybe i should have a more carefree view in life
maybe i should stop worrying
maybe I should let go

The words not spoken

Women are crazy..
We think rationally ( yes guys, we DO think rationally )
But yet we don't listen to our rational thoughts..
we listen to our emotion ( irrational, unsensical, unsensible thoughts )
We try... really hard to listen to our logics,
but the scream of our emotion is too loud to ignore

change of view in life

Last time I was asked, what will I do if say I'm pregnant and the doctor tells me that my baby will be handicapped.

I instantly blurted out, "I'll abort the baby of course!"

At that instant there were Kevin and another person ( whom I forgot... was it erly? lindy?) but anyway they were appaled by my answer (which is strange because why ask this situational question if you have expected a set of answer )

Anyway they told me.. how could you? it's still your baby.. it's a living being.. so what if it's handicapped, it's still a person..

My answer : but it'll be hard for the baby, they'll be handicapped, it'll be better off this way

Kevin or someone else said : but there are still chances for them to recover. Haven't you heard of those people who were told they can never survive or get out of an illness, but they did..

At that time, still set with my answer, I ignored them..

Months after that Paris became ill and started limping. He had patella luxation ( loose knee cap ) and could only walk with three legs. I went through it all : finding a good vet, sending him off for a surgery, sending him off for the second surgery, going through the painful recovering, walking him to make sure he exercise his wounded leg...

After that moment, I changed. I knew that the next time someone asked me that exact question, 'what will you do if you are told that your baby will be handicapped, will you abbort it?'

My answer is No.

Ivana's post on L

Loving is letting yourself get hurt
Loving is letting your heart being eaten while you are still living
Loving is accepting all beauty and flaws of a person
Loving is not necessarily not being able to live without that person, it is merely wanting to live with that person
Loving is letting the other party go when he or she needs to
Loving is acknowledging that love may one day go away but still wanting to work love out for the present
Loving is a full time job
Loving is taking a leap of chance
Loving is ignoring all boundaries and just marching forward
Loving is dumb, and I wonder if being loved is better

Grabbed from Shierley's blog

Love

3 things every women should learn growing up:

1) Your love is precious. Don't give it to someone undeserving.

2) You can't rescue/change a man. He has to be happy on his own before you can be happy together. He has to acknowledge his flaws before you can accept them.

3) And you're not Cinderella, so don't think you need a man to rescue you.

I'm tired

I'm tired of living a dream
I'm tired of trying