I'm tired

I'm tired of living a dream
I'm tired of trying

Two cynics watching One romantic movie

I stayed over at Shierley's place the other night and we were watching the dvd titled, 'Prime' Uma Thurman was acting on it.. It was a good movie actually, a good romantic movie about Uma, a 39 year old lady, who is dating a 23 year old young artist.

SO.. when Uma and the guy are happy together, Shierley and I were like : "This movie is bullshit!! What are the chances that they can be happy together with all their differences. Namely : age, Uma is workign successfully whereas the artist is still living with his grandparents, unemployed"

But at the end of the movie, they both broke up and we were like "AWWW.. That's sad"

and 3 seconds later: "but yeah this is more reasonable.."

bad day

everyone came across a point where too much bad things happened continuously.
with more obstacles coming, each additional pain just seem less excruciating.
every day seems less meaningful.
each ache less agonizing
one just stops caring about what more to expect

His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"

Let go, Let God

Life

In life, we often come accross pathways.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler..."

I'm the type of person who will stand at the beginning of the cross, forever thinking about which ways to choose, where will each path take me to, will one path be better than the other.

In my indecisiveness, sometimes I choose to close my eyes completely, avoiding the thought that I need to even make a choice. Maybe I'll twirl around at my feet, still closing my eyes, hoping that in my giddiness I'll make the first step.

But my conscience stops me from being silly. 'Pick one for Jes. christ' No matter which one, it'll take you somewhere. Rather than just staying at one spot, avoiding changes, scared of what might happen in the future.

"... long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;"

Maybe I'll take the first path.
But I can't see the end
What if I get lost?
What if I wished I had taken the other one instead?

"Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,"

I look at the other path, toying with the fact that this one may be better than the first
Maybe I should take the second path instead
Maybe I'll like this path more
Maybe they all lead to the same end

"And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black."

Still undecided, edgy from the wait
I lay my eyes on both paths
at that moment still not knowing which way to go

"Oh, I kept the first for another day!"

Impatient. Unhappy. Carefully trying to be impulsive.
Stupidly thinking that one day I'll be at the same exact crossway
Being unhappy with the road I had taken, maybe I'll be able to take the other path instead

"Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back"

Unconsciously blocking the thought that I'll never be at the same crossroad
I'll never be able to relive this same exact moment
Not able to take the first road over the second one.
Just hoping that either path will take meto the same end

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:"

'If it's what is written, I'll return' I repeatedly told myself
I blindedly reitirate those words while bringing myself to my first baby step
to the second road

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less travelled by."

Not that the first one is not less beautiful than the second
Not that the first one may not lead me to the same end
Maybe the second path will merge to the first path somehow, maybe not.
But this is life. And chance I must take.

"And that has made all the difference."

I'm an Idiot

Spilled liquid on my laptop. Laptop wouldn't turn on afterwards. Went to Bestbuy to see if the guarantee cover this. (it does not)

Was told that it'll be better if I just buy a new laptop. A new laptop will cost me at least 500-600 bucks.

What can I say?