What I need :

1. A visit to Dr. Lancer ( coming up on Jan 4th ). Can't stand this.. :)
2. a new wardrobe.. seriously!
3. More Me-time and Paris-time
4. A new bag

Okay I conclude that what I need and what I want mostly coincide... hahaha maybe I should start shopping

What I want :

1. Dermatologist visit to Dr Harold Lancer to zip out all these suddenly popping HUGE ACNES off my face
2. A chanel bag ( I owe it to myself as a reward )
3. Boom box or maybe ipod and the home-set
4. A $$$$ bracelet from www.uyenuyendesigns.com ( Natasha said I should get myself a xmas present )

Still in disbelief state

Good thing tomorrow morning ( at 3 am ) I'm going to mammoth for a snowboarding trip with a couple of friends..

I must say I'm not a big fan of snow activities, but wth I should go for vacation. Just good timing :)

Went to had dinner at BOA steak house.. Not so good steak, I like Morton's better..

But still very excited..... Keep on thinking that this may not be true.. Now I should think about my priorities in case I get into the other B schools.. columbia? haas? stern? ucla?

SIGH

Anyway.. I went home from the dinner and found that I had forgotten, and put my landlord's xmas present at my door handle.. Paris, then tore out the paper bag, ate my $2.5o a piece oh so good Teuscher chocolate.... all four of them with CHAMPAGNE inside of them..

Chocolate is toxic for dogs btw... Don't know about the champagne part.. Ahh.. well

Now.. That's the kind of brown my kitchen will have..

Apartment

Oh how I wish my apartment looks like this.. I do have the same wall colours sans all the fancy furniture and colors.
I have been enlightened! Sure I'm going to live a life of misery while waiting for B school results.. But at least I can now do what I have wanted to do while busy preparing my application :
1. Read novels and finance books
2. Paint my kitchen
3. Decorate my studio ( ie. paint a big painting, paint the door frame )
4. yoga -ing
5. play with paris more

Facial at Skin Haven

On Sunday, Natasha and I went to have a facial at SkinHaven.
It's a really pretty place.. and the facial is really relaxing.. Now I have problems of having lots of black heads n white heads and I'm not 100% satisfied with the facial.. but I'll give them A+++ for the relaxation.. Anyway they are a SPA place.. not a dermatologist

Beard Papa cream puff = 220 Calories?

NO WAY??? Look at the delicious, crispy puffs with the vanilla fillings.. And you tell me it's only 220 calories.. Hell! I can afford to eat two at once then...

Check this out and tell me I'm wrong : Serving size says 2 3/4 oz which I assume is ONE whole puff.

My first day as a free woman

No more essays bogging me down.. well there's that one recommendation not in but I can talk to my recommender about it. He's been very helpful to me and he himself is applying to B school this year.

Only half a day that I have started waiting on my results and already, I feel restless.

What if I don't get into Anderson... I think I won't get into Anderson... Why did I submit it so early ( R1, coz I'm impatient and I don't like to wait )

Maybe I should take a long vacation.. OH wait.. It's exactly one month from now.. I think I should take one month vacation or make it two months.. where I have no access to internet wat so ever... That'll be nice.

HELPPPPP

All done..

Finally I have submitted the last application for B School in 2006 to Columbia. Everything is done now but I don't feel like partying.. All the worries are dragging me down... I didn't know that UCLA's annoucement is for January 19.. I thought it was for January 29..

I don't think I can handle this.. I think I should go home Indonesia for vacation soon.. SIGH

Pencil Skirt

This is the first day after a longgggggggggggg time that I first wear a pencil skirt. The last time was probably 6 or 8 years ago.

Anyway I went to the billion dollar babes sample sale a few weeks ago and bought this super cute pencil skirt for a discounted price.. But anyway I put it on today and was walking Paris in the morning.. HA! I found it hard to walk in.. DOn't forget to climb up the stairs OHH....

and if you're just walking straight, you're compelled to walk like those fashion show models.. zig zag....

kikiki.. bet Natasha will laugh her head off if she reads this

Paris is alright

Talked to Natasha about Paris' condition and she said he's probably just feel tired from the lack of sleep and the upset stomach...

I'm like : yeahh I'm gonna bring him to vet tomorrow, was thinking of bringing him in but Emergency wait can lasts for hours..

Nat : That's hardly an emergency..
Iv : That's not?
Nat : NOOO.. that's just lack of sleep and food
Iv : oh okay..

Working at Home

Ahhh....
The beauty of Remote Desktop Connection.. Here I am 2.45pm still at my apartment. Staring at the lovely weather outside, ocassionaly taking a break by walking Paris, while walking to the fridge every hour or so...

I had a sore throat last night and decided that if today I don't feel better, I will work from home. Not because I am scared of infecting others if I go to work. More like : I don't want to get infected by others. I'd say 40% people in my company is down with flu/sore throat/ cold.. I don't plan to join them, so I'll stay at home.

A few months ago I had flu twice and each time it cost me 2 weeks.. So please understand my paranoia

And after all, Paris is sick with diarrhea. He's been sleeping the whole day since the morning tha t I have to go to him once a while and make sure that he's still alive ( another paranoia that I have ) and yes I had just walked to Paris again, checked that he's breathing, and return to writing.

Anyway, Paris has been having diarrhea for 2 days now. Yesterday it wasn't so bad so I didn't think much of it. It's coz I had changed his food ( to DUck and rice from Lamb and rice ) and I thought it was okay for me to completely change his food.. Turns out no..

But yeah last night, he slept at about midnight. 1.30am he woke me up with his whining, had to go to him, open his crate and let him poop.. Gross.. but then okay once more at early morning.. and he kept on whining non-stop..
The poor baby...

He hasn't drink anything today.. So im getting really worried... I even tried to spoon him some water but he refused to...

Worried.. worried worried...

Me, Myself and I

I think I am crazy. I've just been reading all the MBA blog out there about B school applicant this year. And there are people out there with 2.5 years working experience interviewed by top B school and was told : you're kinda lacking work experience..

And I think : I only have one year working experience.. 1 year 1 month a few weeks to be exact

Am I missing something here?

I'm probably just missing some screws up there but oh well I am a stubborn person.

When asked by my mom : what are u going to do if you get rejected again?
Answer : apply again next year
Mom : WHATT? When are you going to get married??

-> Typical Indonesian mother.. sigh.. she basically just want to marry me off and make sure I have kids before I'm 30

Ohh well..... I'm getting all nervous now

UCLA : checked , expecting answer Jan 29. Frigging nervous about this coz this is like my #1 choice and the only school I have a chance to go too.. other than USC but that's a diff story
USC: submitted
NYU Stern : V. V. doubtful I can get in , especially with the limited reapplication essay. But I've submitted this one too
Haas Berkeley : Just submitted this a few hours ago. Pretty much wasting my $175, remembering Jett had told me they don't really like to admit people with less than 3 years working experience

So I still have columbia, yale, wharton. I deserve a break .. just today.. I'll start writing again tomorrow... Remembering I'm going to mammoth in 2 weeks time and before I know it , it'll be new year and then another application deadline..

SIGHHH

My Life, My Spoiled Dog

I usually gave Paris to eat Nutro Lamb and Rice dried food, however I just found out that he could be allergic to his food.

Recently I came across an emailing list for coton de tulear where a well known breeder had said that :
if your dog is chewing or licking his paws, it's most probably because he is allergic to his food

And Natasha had told me that her other dog is also very sensitive to food and her vet told her to feed the dog either duck or salmon.

Let me repeat that : DUCK or SALMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my journey to Petco started, where I picked a Natural Balance DUCK and rice dried food for him.

HELL............. I don't even eat duck once a week..

Oh well, my friend has told me that Paris' eye stains seem better after Paris eat the new food.

Xmas is coming

With Xmas coming, and the xmas office party just around the corner.. I suddenly had a ZIT on my forehead!! A gigantic zit....

I had not have a gigantic acne for monthssssssssssss.......... more than 6 months at least

this sux..

i blame this to cashew nuts in my salad, stress, working late night on my essays every single day

The schools I'm going to apply

So I've decided the schools I'm going to apply to :
1. Columbia
2. UCLA Anderson
3. Berkeley Haas
4. USC Marshall
5. NYU Stern
6. U Penn Wharton
7. Yale SOM

Wow! Seven schools.. Didn't realize that I'm going to apply to that many schools.

SO I've submitted to 3 of them
UCLA, USC, Stern

One more (Haas ) is imminent, and three more by first week of January(Wharton, SOM, Columbia)

I am lucky enough to have the help of Natasha, my best friend since I was 14, and Tracie, my co-worker as well as Tao. My english is sooooooo bad... even grammar and all .. that I don't know what I'll do without their help

But yeah we'll se how this goes..

More B-School Applications

Okay so Berkeley next. Haas is like the hardest school I'm going to apply to..

Okay, not necessarily true. But remembering how they want students with at least 3 years working experience (HA!) I'm not even sure why I'm applying

But anyway here I am, every single night sitting in front of my lap top ( instead of watching Victoria's Secret Fashion show ) : pressing non-stops the letterwords trying to make sense :

what's my most significant accomplishment ?
what's my fave quote and why?
show a time when I have been creative.. ( H-A-R-D)
have i visited haas...

and those are only the short questions ( 250 word max )
let's not forget the usual short and long term goal as well as the leadership essays.

SIGH..
If I have to rank my top three choices.. I'd say Anderson, Columbia.. and something else...
But who am I kidding? I might have already wasted another year applying to B school, remembering what a bad year this has been.

Funny

It's funny to be both single and unavailable at the same time. It's like you get away with certain stuff that attached gals are not supposed to get away with and still has some commitment to make..

:) just rambling

Busy Bored Burnt Out

For months I've been studying GMAT ( w worse results than before ), writing essays, rewriting the, write again, re-write...

I'm officially burnt out of my dull B School applying life.. I guess you can't complain if you really want to get to the top B schools..

My #1 school is Anderson UCLA right now. Because I seem to only have hope for my almamater school and the weather in LA is too freaking cold for me right now that I can't imagine how I'll do in NY

Anyway, I've submitted my reapplication to NYU Stern last night. I have a few more essays to look at before submitting them to USC first round.

My dad just told me that my whole family in Indo are going to BALI for xmas.. BALIIIIIIIIIIIII how I miss you... Warm beach, beatiful scenery, good goood GOOODDD seafood........

why am I stuck here?
I'm tempted to just fly home

Oh wait.. lemme just check the tickets to fly home then :)

Business Application

I've decided to come out of my closet and said it out loud to the whole world :

I am applying to top 15 business schools despite my currently only 1 year working experience and a 670 GMAT

THERE...

So let's get into the details of applying...
I've submitted a re-application for UCLA Anderson about a month ago. Yes I'm crazy I know I have no working experience but last year I got waitlisted for UCLA ( MIRACLE!) with just 2 months of working experience... SO i say : WTH.. what have I got to lose ( except for time and $1000++)

Right now I'm scurrying for the USC and NYU's December 1st deadline.. I did the NYU Stern's infamous essay #3.. I must say my work was not spectacular but hopefully it will show a glimpse of my life...

Of course there's the leadership questions.. which I found to be really hard to do with my lack of working experience and my love-hate relationship (MORE hate than love ) with work..

More on this later though.. I must now start hating work again by actually working

GMAT BAD

hey that rhmes..
after months of studying
and getting high scores on my GMAT preparation test
I did badly in my actual test..

SIGH. i'm really really getting used to failure/bad results...

sad

With all the hustle and bustle of applying to grad school, I somehow find myself calmer and happier. Nothing scares me. Sure there's a high stress level associated with having to study for GMAT almost every nights, writing out numerous essays when my english is not even fantastic; but I guess the already bad year has prepared me to accept the worse and go on with life.

Previously, life was bursting with hopes, enthusiasm and ambition. A little blinded by the positive energy.


Now, still the same ambition, but reality-check gives less hopes and moderate enthusiasm.

Maybe I'm broken or more matured?

Or maybe maturing is being broken.

mon nouvel appartement

Paris' good night sleep

Here's what I call a good night sleep..

Moving

My roommate Erly is going back for good soon.. so we gave out our 1 month notice to the apartment. I've been going crazy looking for an apartment that allows dog about 2 weeks ago.
Luckily www.westsiderentals.com comes to the rescue. I was hesitant to use the listing but a friend of mine actually worked there and convinced me to use it.

Found my apartment within days of using it. It's not a complete list for pet-friendly apartments, but otherwise it's a hugeee list..

Anyway more about my new apartment.

It's in Brentwood ..
(YES U CAN STOP RIGHT THERE... )
not the fancy apartment or house type of brentwood.. Just a simple 12 unit building..
Studio apartment
No parking (Yes I'm moaning now )
but hey it's decent, pretty spacious and affordable ( for a pet friendly apartment )

I got to paint the wall too !! As in yeah picked the color and gave it to the landlord.. of course not like I'm gonna paint the whole apt myself

I picked light blue.. so i'll show some pictures once I've moved in

Moving in this weekend

An update bout PARIS....
So I've been taking care of Pirate (natasha's dog)
She's just the sweetest thing ever.. Never pee or poo in the house ( even when she needs to go ) DIDN't bark ( in the past tense because somehow when she's with Paris, she started barking.. ), doesn't destruct papers or plastic or tries to steal food or whatever else paris does

I've been walking Paris and Pirate twice a day because Pirate only goes potty outside. Pretty cool.. Paris has been following her footstep.. Now that Nat has taken Pirate back, I'm determined to still take Paris potty outside . Let's see how long this will last :)

Truncating the source

In dealing with cancer, to prevent the disease to spread to the whole body, we need to truncate the original body part where the malignant cancer lies.

Yoga-ing

Did a class at yoga work at Montana last night with a lady called Roberta.

REALLY FANTASTIC CLASS!

For the first time, I feel like I've stretched every bit of muscles that I have in my body.. Exhausting but still no sweat.. ( SO I have accepted that I won't ever sweat in Y oga.. it's okay )

What I find amazing after the class is the fact that I have a serene disposition towards people. Unusual.. Not on a weekday night after a full day of working and an hour and half of working out.

I just feel calm and relaxed and react the same way I feel

Funny.. I should update u guys if this is true or just my imagination

REJECTED

I'm starting to get used to being rejected now..

No letter yet

....................


WHYYYYYYYYY

September is In Town

Yai.. September is here.. I'm applying again for MBA ( after brutally rejected by 4 schools this year ) It's a wonder why I'm still applying.. But then again.. I am a stubborn person

So what else is new?
Paris is on a diet.. YESSS HE IS.. he is soo fat now... and believe me it's not the fur..He currently has no fur whatsoever.. So he has a fat belly.. imagine a mid-aged man with fat belly around the tummy.. yup that's how paris would look like if he's a human

So last time I let him eat ad-lib.. food is there 24/7.. didn't even measure how much I put in there.. I just make sure that he has food all the time.. Supposedly according to the book, this will make them eat less because they know it's always there. But of course not for Paris.. Or maybe it's the treatss... KACANG.. i'm blaming you .. Paris stayed with Natasha for about two weeks.. and he just felll in luuuuvvv with Natasha.. Whenever Natasha comes, I'm ignored :'(

If I call him to come.. he'll go to Natasha instead.. But of course, remembering how Natasha only give BOTTLED WATER to her dog !! and have treats all over her apartment for her dog ( and paris too while he was there.. ) oh mi god... It's like having green tea ice cream mochi every steps you take in her apartement ( figuratively comparing treats to green tea ice cream mochi )

SIGH... I've been betrayed.. by TREATS.. I feel cheated

SOooo yes that's the update for Paris..
What else is new for me?

AHH.. I started doing yoga.. at www.yogaworks.com
It's really cool!
They have 3 branches around my area! Main st, montana ave, Westwood blvd.
Imagine those three are right at the vicinity of my work place and my apartment.

I've been going to classes for like.. 5 or 6 times by now.. The funny thing is I don't really sweat.. Yes I feel tired when I do the yoga position. Some of them are pretty challenging ( imagine the metal fold-able chair, and my head on the floor while my legs hanging up and my backs on the chair.. OKAY u guys can't imagine it but as U've read. it's hard stuff )

But nope.. no sweat.. I wonder if I'm doing something wrong???
It's a lot of toning the muscle though.. if u do the position right.. if not u're just standing there making funny positions.. but if you do get to do the position correctly, you're really using all ur muscles. . Tightening it and toning it...

To think about it, I don't sweat if I only lift weights at gymn too..SO maybe this all makes sense.. I don't know..

If any of you guys have done yoga before.. please do share

ANother update... The Riordan Fellowship Program..
It's kinda like a Pre-MBA program to prepare students or people with less than 5 years working experience to applying to MBA program
Today I'm supposed to get news through mails about whether or not I'll be accepted to the program..
I must say I think I won't be coz I screwed up the interview.. but part of me is still hoping that something may happen..

I'm gonna drive home now actually, check my mail box and see if it's there.. This is lunch break btw..

So wish me luck

Dis-integrating

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.


I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.




And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bear my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.


I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

What is wrong with me?
I think I'm crazy
or depressed..
Like seriously
I'll cry over stupid stuff
I'm too emotional
I always expect the worse
I just cannot stop thinking about the 'what if..'

I barely able to live in the present

I think I need medication
or to see a shrink
or do something about it

I think I'm scared of being lonely
I dread the thought of it

Being alone was never a problem until this year
Really a bad year

ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Hate myself
Hate my life
Hate my problems
the seemingly insignificant yet disturbing problems

I think I'm depressed, no?

What Is Minor Depression?

Minor depression has some but not all of the traits of major depression. Diagnosis requires at least two but less than five out of nine depression symptoms. One of those symptoms must be sadness or lack of interest in activities, write the researchers.

Major depression symptoms include:

• Feeling sad, depressed, or tearful (or, for kids and teens, irritable)
• Marked drop in interest or pleasure in activities
• Significant changes in weight or appetite
• Sleeping too much or too little nearly every day
• Feeling restless or sluggish
• Feeling worthless or excessively guilty
• Having trouble concentrating
• Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
• Suicidal thinking, suicide attempts, or thinking a lot about death (not just fear of dying)

This year is a bad year

This year.. is a bad year.

I've encountered so many problems that it seems like it never ends..

School problem came up. Solved it. Got over it.
Relationship problem came up. Solved it. Got over it.
School issue again
and then stuff
and stuff
and stuff
stufff....

Once one thing is solved, another lurks in the corner.

Worrying is Unhealthy

I had just received a text from my good friend, telling me how happy she is now, how perfect life seems. But she ended her text by saying that she's worried that everything's so rosy only at the beginning..

Which I can totally relate too. Everytime something is too perfect, too good, I'll think : "This is it! I"m at the top of the hill, can't get any farther. The only way to go is to go down.."

Pessimist : Yes!
Worrisome : Yes!
Irrational: Maybe
INSANE : Could be

I was told that this is a good trait to be an entrepreneur; you'll always be scared about what the competitors are planning up; you don't get enough sleep or peace of mind.. BUT HEY.. at least you're rich.... RIGHT?

I haven't been able to sleep lately. Problems, issues, obstacles.. Seemingly minor ones but imminent for my future. I TRIED so hard to ignore these future problems. I'll try to think about other stuff .. HELL I tried to BE in the PRESENT.. Has it worked? clearly not

Worries are like darkness.. You always want to turn on the light/ have lights around you when you're doing something.. Working, Studying, stuff... But at the end of the day, you can't sleep with the lights on. You will, at the end, need to face the darkness : your worries.
I guess my problem is that even during the daytime, I've already started thinking about the darkness and how it'll affect me..

Foolish but can't stop doing it

I'm yours

well you done done me and you bet i felt it
i tried to get you but you're so hot that i melted
i fell right through the cracks
and i'm trying to get back
before the cool done run out
i'll be giving it my bestest
nothin's going to stop me but devine intervention
i reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait, i'm yours

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love
listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
ah la peaceful melody
its your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love love

so i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i'm sure
theres no need to complicate
our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours

i been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
and bendin over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass
so i drew a new face and laughed
i guess what i'm sayin is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
its what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

i won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i'm sure
theres no need to complicate
our time is short
it cannot wait, i'm yours

Stepping my foot on the ground

After much turmoil and confusion happening in my life, I have finally reached a calmer ground. I have set up my plan (sort of), and planning to move forward from that one step.

Unexpected life

Funny Thing about Life

Found a funny thing about life today.

The more someone give to you without even expecting any return on his/her deed, the more you want to give back to that person unconditionally as well.

maybe i'm wrong

maybe i should have a more carefree view in life
maybe i should stop worrying
maybe I should let go

The words not spoken

Women are crazy..
We think rationally ( yes guys, we DO think rationally )
But yet we don't listen to our rational thoughts..
we listen to our emotion ( irrational, unsensical, unsensible thoughts )
We try... really hard to listen to our logics,
but the scream of our emotion is too loud to ignore

change of view in life

Last time I was asked, what will I do if say I'm pregnant and the doctor tells me that my baby will be handicapped.

I instantly blurted out, "I'll abort the baby of course!"

At that instant there were Kevin and another person ( whom I forgot... was it erly? lindy?) but anyway they were appaled by my answer (which is strange because why ask this situational question if you have expected a set of answer )

Anyway they told me.. how could you? it's still your baby.. it's a living being.. so what if it's handicapped, it's still a person..

My answer : but it'll be hard for the baby, they'll be handicapped, it'll be better off this way

Kevin or someone else said : but there are still chances for them to recover. Haven't you heard of those people who were told they can never survive or get out of an illness, but they did..

At that time, still set with my answer, I ignored them..

Months after that Paris became ill and started limping. He had patella luxation ( loose knee cap ) and could only walk with three legs. I went through it all : finding a good vet, sending him off for a surgery, sending him off for the second surgery, going through the painful recovering, walking him to make sure he exercise his wounded leg...

After that moment, I changed. I knew that the next time someone asked me that exact question, 'what will you do if you are told that your baby will be handicapped, will you abbort it?'

My answer is No.

Ivana's post on L

Loving is letting yourself get hurt
Loving is letting your heart being eaten while you are still living
Loving is accepting all beauty and flaws of a person
Loving is not necessarily not being able to live without that person, it is merely wanting to live with that person
Loving is letting the other party go when he or she needs to
Loving is acknowledging that love may one day go away but still wanting to work love out for the present
Loving is a full time job
Loving is taking a leap of chance
Loving is ignoring all boundaries and just marching forward
Loving is dumb, and I wonder if being loved is better

Grabbed from Shierley's blog

Love

3 things every women should learn growing up:

1) Your love is precious. Don't give it to someone undeserving.

2) You can't rescue/change a man. He has to be happy on his own before you can be happy together. He has to acknowledge his flaws before you can accept them.

3) And you're not Cinderella, so don't think you need a man to rescue you.

I'm tired

I'm tired of living a dream
I'm tired of trying

Two cynics watching One romantic movie

I stayed over at Shierley's place the other night and we were watching the dvd titled, 'Prime' Uma Thurman was acting on it.. It was a good movie actually, a good romantic movie about Uma, a 39 year old lady, who is dating a 23 year old young artist.

SO.. when Uma and the guy are happy together, Shierley and I were like : "This movie is bullshit!! What are the chances that they can be happy together with all their differences. Namely : age, Uma is workign successfully whereas the artist is still living with his grandparents, unemployed"

But at the end of the movie, they both broke up and we were like "AWWW.. That's sad"

and 3 seconds later: "but yeah this is more reasonable.."

bad day

everyone came across a point where too much bad things happened continuously.
with more obstacles coming, each additional pain just seem less excruciating.
every day seems less meaningful.
each ache less agonizing
one just stops caring about what more to expect

His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"

Let go, Let God

Life

In life, we often come accross pathways.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler..."

I'm the type of person who will stand at the beginning of the cross, forever thinking about which ways to choose, where will each path take me to, will one path be better than the other.

In my indecisiveness, sometimes I choose to close my eyes completely, avoiding the thought that I need to even make a choice. Maybe I'll twirl around at my feet, still closing my eyes, hoping that in my giddiness I'll make the first step.

But my conscience stops me from being silly. 'Pick one for Jes. christ' No matter which one, it'll take you somewhere. Rather than just staying at one spot, avoiding changes, scared of what might happen in the future.

"... long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;"

Maybe I'll take the first path.
But I can't see the end
What if I get lost?
What if I wished I had taken the other one instead?

"Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,"

I look at the other path, toying with the fact that this one may be better than the first
Maybe I should take the second path instead
Maybe I'll like this path more
Maybe they all lead to the same end

"And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black."

Still undecided, edgy from the wait
I lay my eyes on both paths
at that moment still not knowing which way to go

"Oh, I kept the first for another day!"

Impatient. Unhappy. Carefully trying to be impulsive.
Stupidly thinking that one day I'll be at the same exact crossway
Being unhappy with the road I had taken, maybe I'll be able to take the other path instead

"Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back"

Unconsciously blocking the thought that I'll never be at the same crossroad
I'll never be able to relive this same exact moment
Not able to take the first road over the second one.
Just hoping that either path will take meto the same end

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:"

'If it's what is written, I'll return' I repeatedly told myself
I blindedly reitirate those words while bringing myself to my first baby step
to the second road

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less travelled by."

Not that the first one is not less beautiful than the second
Not that the first one may not lead me to the same end
Maybe the second path will merge to the first path somehow, maybe not.
But this is life. And chance I must take.

"And that has made all the difference."

I'm an Idiot

Spilled liquid on my laptop. Laptop wouldn't turn on afterwards. Went to Bestbuy to see if the guarantee cover this. (it does not)

Was told that it'll be better if I just buy a new laptop. A new laptop will cost me at least 500-600 bucks.

What can I say?

Seattle..

I'm heading towards Seattle.. after long boring days in LA.. Heading towards Seattle. I'm only going to stay there for 2.5 days. But I need this break..

Next weekend.. Catalina Island :>

Silly Ol' Me

What I learnt From a 90-year old Lady

I did my laundry today at 8.50am. yeah I know... SHRIEKKK... But anyway while I was doing my laundry, I saw an old lady trying to do her laundry too. She looked frail, she walked twice slower than I did. She took twice the time I needed to do her own laundry when her clothes are not even close to half of mine. While she finished putting her clothes in the washing machine, I asked her if she need my help and she gladly accepted.

When I came down 30 minutes after to move my load to the drying machine, I saw her again. She huffed and puffed while taking her laundry out of the washing machine. I wasn't sure if I should offer my help again. But in the end I did. We ended up talking afterwards. She told me that she's 90 years old, she lives alone in my apartment. She told me to enjoy the youth because age will creep by you, not so fast but it will. She told me to do everything I want while I am still young. Listening to her, realizing how slow I will be in 70 years time, jolted me to always treasure the future and to never let go of an opportunity.

Because age will creep by

Let It Flow

I am doing a seafood diet these days- Noo.. not all the food I see, I eat- kind of diet. More like I only eat seafood/vegetarian meals. Why? Well let's just say someone needs someOne's help.

Have come to realize that it may be best just to let things flow. Maybe the current will take me somewhere. Maybe I should try not to control things all the time. Maybe there is a bigger force than mine.

Calmer days

I felt better nowadays. The truth is out, the future is sketchily written out. Hopefully in two weeks time, we all know.

Anyway let's share my thought on not eating meat for a week. It allows me to treasure tofu and vegetable more, that's for sure. A few days afterwards, I kinda feel weird eating meat. Vegetable and tofu and eggs are so soft and tender that when I eat over-cooked beef, I feel like eating rubber.

I went to LACMA's 40th birthday yesterday. Really COOL!!!!! 7pm to 3am.. it's for free.. the line was super long, i had to wait for an hour. Lotsa people, they made the courtyard into a lounge. Well, I didnt enjoy the drinks/atmosphere though, I straightly head into the exhibition. Modern/contemporary paintings, modern/futuristic furniture ( really coollll )

Gustav Klimt's works is going to be exhibited in LACMA next week, soo... coming there. Anyway I was overwhelmed by the exhibition yesterday that I signed up for LACMA membership (forty bucks )

My dream is to have a gallery... We'll see

I need a Holiday

I am sooooooooooooo boreeddd.. I wanna run away.. Wanna go to New York, go to MOMA, try out restaurants there...
Go to Chicago.. the famous pizza..

whereever..

burnt out

More Anxious Time to Come

Dreadful

I should be at home, waiting for the dreadful news. Not in the office at 9 am, anxious every second.

Not Eating Meat for 5 Days

Today is my fourth day going abstinate from meat. ( anykind of meat.. red meat/white meat/fish meat/ scallops-kind of meat ) People often asked my, "why?"

It's not that I am exactly a religious person ( rarely go to church, and not baptized : so these do not validate why I am giving up meat ). Okay second reason : some unexplainable reason. HAH!
Third Reason : I need a sign from God..

Let me elaborate on the second reason.. Saturday night I had a dream ( yes another weird dream ). I dreamt that I was eating crabs.. lotsa lotsa crabs. And I was eating the crab's claw in my dream. SO the next day when I woke up, I decided to have crab for dinner.

I went to JR Seafood on Santa Monica and ordered a 3 pound crab. As I was about to eat the claw, I had to bite on its shell because the chef didn't properly open the shell. I bit into it, and got my tongue stuck in between the claw's shell. OUCH! It bleeds...

And there you go.. My second, unexplainable, reason. After that I decided to fast on meat for a week.

I walked Paris.. ( Yeah I know.. SHRIEKKKKKK )

Before you guys started fainting ( yes especially you Tao! ), let me explain myself. While I went for Paris' playdate last weekend with his girlfriend Yankee, I realized that Paris is much chubbier than Yankee and he is lazier. Last time Paris would chase Yankee around the house and play together. Lately, he's been playing with the toy, sniffing around the grass, while occasionally running, and laying down on the grass. Yankee, on the other hand, is busy chasing Paris or trying to get Paris to chase her. She'll even growl ( in a nice/friendly way ) to provoke Paris to chase her.. but Nada.. Nil.. Zilch.. Paris is too lazy to chase her.

This is an alarming situation !!!!!

Paris is a lazy, fat dog!

This revelation led me to a guilt trip and in the end Kevin and I decided to walk Paris. Yesterday we even walked him twice for 20 mins each ( YESS YESS I KNOWW... SHRIEEKKKK )

The funniest thing is after our second walk, instead of gnawing at his bones as he usually does at night, Paris went straight to the crate and.... Sleep.......................

LAZy DoG..

Do you know that...

Engagement ring/ wedding ring is worn on your left hand-ring finger?? I didn't know that...

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Readers All Over the World

I just realized that my friends are actually reading my blog ! Heya alll!!!

Please leave me some comments so I know that you guys exist.. So I know that I am not wasting five minutes everyday in my life :>

Paris Speaks !!!

Yess.. This morning I was awaken by some noise at 7am. I thought Erly opened up my room, I gazed to my door but found that it was still closed. Feeling dizzy still from the NyQuil I drank the night before, I closed my eyes and lied down on my bed again. Suddenly I heard a sound, "Ssstt.." Confused, I raised my head again. No one was around, other than Paris in his crate. A few seconds after the fist voice, I saw Paris said, "Get up!" And I'm like...


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO................... something is wrong!!!

In my head : "Why does my dog say 'get up!' and not something cute like 'I love you' or stuff like that. And why on earth say 'get up' if Paris usually wake up one or two hours later than I do."

Insane, yes.. but the Nyquil really knocked me out. I slept again, not bothering thinking why on earth is my dog speaking???

Russel Crowe Vs Collin Farel

I went to watch a Russel Crowe concert last Friday at House of Blues. While I was waiting in line, I noticed there were women of 30s and 40s waiting in line as well. I kinda thought it's weird that there aren't that many women of my age, since Russel Crowe is so hot...

Sure he's an actor and he's probably not good at singing, but don't other women my age want to see him sing?

While waiting 1.5 hours in line in front of House of Blues, I asked Kevin, "Russel Crowe is the guy who acted at Phonebooth right?"

Kevin : "No.. He acted at gladiator"
Ivana : "Huh?"
Kevin: "Russel crowe acted as John Nash in the Beautiful Mind"
Ivana: SHRIEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Yes yes.. I thought Russel Crowe was Collin Farel. Everytime I talked about going to a Russel Crowe's concert, I have a mental image of Collin Farel..

Wasted my time and money on some stupid actor ( which made me wait 2.5 hours before showing up)

My Favorite Photo

Sadly, I am not exactly photogenic..

Out of 150 photos taken, only a couple are good ( Slash this )

As per Tao's comment, I meant: not all 150 are good :>

Living Each Day One At a Time ( Literally )

To avoid boredoom.. I have resolved into concentrating one day at a time.. Take for example on Friday Night : I went dinner with Kevin's friends from San Francisco and then we continued to have dessert at Chocolat to get chocolate soufflee..

And then Saturday : Went to learn Golf ( I can SWING!!!! ) and then went shopping...

Sunday : Went to Tao's place ( check out his web : thisistao.com ) and had Paris and I photographed by the will-be professional photographer Tao. The pictures came out really well.. Will show you all the pictures later.. He set up a small studio in his living room , equipped with all the 1500 Watts lighting and backdrop.. Love it... Thanks Tao!

Monday : Was planning to ditch work after lunch and joined Kevin and his cousin from Indonesia go shopping .. But after lunch, I got assigned 32 securities to model for prospective client. Bye Bye Rodeo Dr!

Tuesday : We'll see......

For the First Time

I am observing lent this year... I figure that since I have a dog, and I always feel bad for eating animals (beef, chicken, pork, duck etcetc), I will give up meat every Friday til Easter.

So.. This morning I had banana and oranges ( like any other day this week). And for lunch, I had a Yellow Curry Fried Rice - Vegetarian. ( Not good.. but Chilly really helps!)
Who knows what I'll have for dinner, but I'm pretty sure I'll be bringing my Chilly sauce with me..

Anyway , in the middle of the lunch, I just found out that I can actually eat fish.. Turns out that the Catholics only give up red meat.. (How is that possible that I have been going to a catholic church for 18 years of my life and still not remember this fact )

I have a bestfriend in Singapore last time, her name is Julie Wee. Since Junior High or Primary school, she became vegetarian. And it's not because of religion or anything.... It was the first time I knew a person becoming vegetarian not because of religion and I asked her, "Why don't you eat meat?" And she told me that she doesn't want to eat killed-animals.

Ever since then, I often wonder how do you dedicate your body to follow your mind.. Whoever has never thought of quitting chocolate, just to find yourself holding one, ten seconds later....
How do you quit meat for the rest of your life??

Something to ponder about..

Still Am Bored

BOuhouhou

Burnt Out

Lately I came to work and spent the rest of the day, wishing I would hear a good news to stop me from working. Every seconds, I just hope that something can come and save me from the boredom. I just realized how worrying this stage is.. Surely my work is not THAT boring/depressing/uninteresting that I feel like I need to be saved...

I don't know.. Now I'm just filling my stomach with these tiny sweet tangerines and hoping their sweetness can take my mind off the boredom

Ivana's kicking Paris out of the Blog

I have come to realize that Paris has been taking a large chunck of my life (read:blog). For that reason, it is crucial to recognize Paris' role in my life(read:blog) may not be sufficiently addressed if he is to stay with the Lumba2 Blog.

From this day onward, Paris can be found at

http://mycotondetulear.blogspot.com

and bits of pieces of his daily life which occurr during Ivana's daily life will precede to be at Lumba2 blog.

We appreciate your constant patronage and invite you to check both blogs.

Trick on Dog's nose

Here is Paris doing his best trick: He has his treat on his nuzzle, and he can't move and have the treat until I tell him that he can have it.

Isn't it just great??? Took the other dogs (at Petsmart where we learnt this trick) weeksssss to learn this trick, but it only take about a week for Paris to learn it.

You know why? Ever since he was a puppy, I trained him to sit and stay in front of his treat without moving, and he could only have the treat after I signalled to him that he can have it.

Miss Kacang and Shier

Come on you guys, faster return to LA..or come to LA for Kacang..

Paris and I are waiting for u guys here.. :)

Maintining my resolution

It's been hard... Once I go to the gymn, I can easily hit the treadmill for 30 or more minutes.. trying to burn 350 calories or more.. But before I reached the gymn, I just feel exhausted.. SIGH HELP.. Luckily , Kevin just had an enlighment to go to the gymn so hopefuly his enthu can spark back my enthusiasm.

Another temptation that I have been having is : Dessert, fried food, oily food.. Extraordinary dessert, Martabak Manis ( A very good indonesian dessert with peanut and chocolate ), Fried Gyoza.. etc etc.. I shall curb it down :)

YUMM part 2

Yumm yumm yumm

Paris in UCLA. He's sooo White...

Learn from Others

I want to go home!!!! I was depressed ( still am ), sad, worried, uneasy.Yesterday though I felt better. My co-workers yesterday taught me how to make a wise investment decision. You know: stocks, bonds, mutual fund, foreign currency, comodities, options. It was amazing: imagine two experiences investors teaching me about all these stuff.

After that , at the end of day, Grace ( my new found friend/co-worker) taught me about saving up money, budgeting and investing. She told me that she budget her self, not daily but monthly. She saved up her money ( and she is able to save up well ), put aside half of this saving to investment and the other half to Money Market. Wow..... and look at me... I didn't even know how much I have saved from my three months salary. ( wait!!! I actually knew, after talking to Grace last night I tallied up my expenses. And hell, not much money I have saved ).

I have never even thought about investing before meeting my co-workers. I had savings, my grandparents gave to me, last time when I was in Singapore. You know what I did : dump it in a low rate saving account ( leave it there for 2 or three years and never thought of putting it into CD).

But then again, what has passed is in the past. From now on, I am a change woman! I will start planning for the future and invest. That is if, I have some money to invest.......

Valentine's Day

Valentine's day.. Single Awareness Day.. whichever way you wish to call it. This year I went to :

Drago
on Wilshire blvd , cross st : 26th

It's an Italian restaurant, nice ambience and doesn't kill your wallet. Kevin had the sea bass. It's SOOOO Goooddd... The sea bass was served as a whole fish ( and it's good good good good!). I got the stuffed quail and didn't really like it. The price range is about 30-50 bucks so go ahead and check it out :>

I received : flowers, best chocolate ever, and a card. Okay let's talk about the chocolate!!!

Great chocolate! I love the champagne filled truffles, its most favorite pieces. Check out the link about and you can see the review from citysearch.com. Or else go to www.teuscher.com

I bought Kevin a coat ( finally after wanting to give him that for Xmas. Darn, did I still owe him a Xmas present.. Oh Well). It's a cute army jacket. I'm really helpless about choosing presents for Kevin, so you know what I did : went to the store, saw three jackets that I liked there, called Kevin up and described the jackets to him, Get him to choose what he one.

Ahh.. the beauty of technology ( cell phone I mean )

Some People Come and Go

February 2006. All my batch friends (indonesian UCLA 2005) have gone home, well all except Erly me and a few others. Makes me think if it's time for me to go home too..

I am still waiting for news (some of you know what I am talking about ).. Cross our fingers and we'll see what will happen.. Where I'll be this exact day next year.. We'll see

I am going to Paris by the way!!! Did I tell you?? THis june.. Paris here I come.. I am actually going to take French lesson.. Bonjour. Comment allez vous? Tres bien Merci.

HAHAHA I'll update you guys soonnn

1/12 way into the year..

Let's see which resolutions I have kept and missed :
1. Went to gymn every two days.. CHECK
2. ate healthy food ( more veggie and fruit daily..) CHECK
3. Haven't gone to church at all ( herm.. maybe I should go tomorrow )
4. Am reading my finance book ( so CHECK)
5. Read Lovely Bones the novel.. halfway..
6. Haven't gone shopping in a month and a half...... :>
7. Started doing Sudoke to improve my memory.. SOMEHOW...
8. Been going to work at 830 so that's pretty early...
9. Just cleaned my house.... cHECk

okay so pretty much I followed eight resolutions out of 24. THat's gooodd.. see never make only one or two resolutions, it's harder to keep up :>

New Restaurant Review

1. Susina at La Cienege Blvd
- has tripple berry as good as the one in Sweet Lady Jane and not as sweet
- bigger place compared to SLJ
- felt like I'm in New York once I stepped into the bakery
- other cookies look good as well
- I feel like going there tonight coz of this review.....

2. Sushi Yu n Mi at little Santa Monica
- exPENSIVEEEEE
- great Toro
- love the Yu n Mi #2 roll, and the albacore sashimi with jalapeno appetizer, Ankimo ( fish liver ) iss sooo gooodddddd
- make reservation.. it's kinda small

3. Sushi Kaya at marina del Rey
- lunch box is pretty big and good..
- haven't tried the sushi

Again.. try to find these restaurants at yp.yahoo.com :> don't remember exactly the address..

My Mom's bdae today

Happy bdae mom...

2006 New Year's Resolution

New Year Resolutions ( TO BE BROKEN SOON ENOUGH):
1. go to gymn every two days
2. Eat healthy food (more veggie and fruit, drink milk, eat calcium)
3. Go surfing again this summer
4. Take paris for a walk ( must buy his shoes again)
5. Learn new skills (French/art/sport)
6. Go to Paris, France this year!!
7. Meet up with more people
8. Go to Church... (failed to do that yesterday)
9. Write/text my friends overseas more often ( tat means Mareen Sasa Gigi Shierley NPS kacang tine lipola chang yien etc etc etc etc )
10. Be proficient in my job ( read more books, newspaper, Economist, Forbes)
11. Read more books.. (novel, Da vinci code, harry potter)
12. Travel more in USA
13. ROAD TRIP... ANYONE???
14. Save up more money
15. Less shopping (I am only allowed to shop once a month) although at the moment I feel like I have no clothes to wear
16. Go back Indonesia to see family n friends this year
17. Paint more often
18. Take good care of my skin ( especially my face since I am getting old.. SHRIEKKKKKKKKKKK)
19. Go out at night more often (HAHAHAHAHA Erly's influence)
20. Go to Yosemite this year, either hike or camp or go fishing
21. Go New York this year
22. Improve my memory! ( I am not sure how to do this: my boyfriend tells me to take up chess, my mom told me to eat more bananas, I should probably do Sudoku like Shierley)
23. Come to work on time ( OHHH SO HARD... 8 am???)
24. Be cleaner and more organized...

Okayy at the end of the year.. let's see how many of these are accomplished :>

:'(

Why is nothing certain in life?

I was reading the article in Wall Street's journal..

The Paradox of Quantum physics' cat... .. Too hard for me to explain so u guys can google it :>

BOUHOUUU I'm all alone

Today Shierley went home to Indon... :'( Everyone's leaving LA.. There's only Erly and I left .. There's Ruby( who's always gone.. RUBY.. where are u.......), Ariana is in Stanford... Everyone else left... Shierley, Fanny, Gerry, Ujang, Vita, etc etc etc...

Oh well... Everyone has left but Shierley's leaving is the hardest guess coz she's the closest person to me in LA. Plus I always thought that she will always be here with me... correction.. I always thought I will return to Indo earlier than her.. SIGHHHH.

No one will take me out to dinner/lunch/weekend shopping/ gossip/ gossip again/ go to Vegas... SIGH...

Makes me want to go back to Indo...